It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.

Last week was a rough week for me.  We came home from Cuba to a disastrously messy house; left that way in our mad rush to get out the door a week earlier.  There was a pile of laundry covering 90% of the bedroom floor, there was stuff left out still from Christmas covering the dining room table.  The cat box was full, and the cats had expressed their displeasure several places around the house.  The living room was covered in the aftermath of a suitcase explosion. You get the picture.

Added to that, there was no food in the house.  Added to that, I came down with a head cold on Tuesday,  probably picked up on the flight home.

I wound up spending most of the week on the couch, watching tv, eating all my meals out of various paper bags and trying to ignore the inexorably increasing chaos of my home.  I was able to rein myself back in by Sunday afternoon, but I have to admit, in the face of a messy house, my instinct is to retreat and deny.

So, for the next time I am feeling overwhelmed by my domestic circumstances, I have written the following letter to myself.



Dear Marne,

Oh no, it happened again.  Something got in the way of your routines, and now everywhere you look, all you can see are clutter and cleaning jobs that need to be done.

Right now you are thinking, "this is going to take forever to clean up".  You are thinking you need to take a vacation day or wait for the weekend to be able to catch up and get everything back in order.  You are also thinking, "I don't have time to do all this now!"

Well, guess what, you are wrong on all three counts.

Yeah, I know, you don't believe me right now.  There is some weird cross-wiring in our brain that makes you unable to remember what I can see so clearly.  Trust me.  I know what to do.

First, look at your feet.  You don't have any shoes on, do you?  Go put them on.  Being in your stocking feet makes your brain think it's time to relax.  Your shoes say,  "Let's go!   You can do this!".

Now, go into the kitchen and empty the clean dishes out of the dishwasher, and start the next load going.  This is not going to take nearly as long as you think.  You are estimating this job will take at least 20 minutes, right?  Set the timer for 5 minutes and see how much you can get done.  Do it now.  I will wait...

So, how did it go?  It only took 4 minutes, and you still had time to wipe the counters down before the timer went off?  Hmmmm...

I bet you are already starting to feel better.  Now that you have a clean counter and sink to rest your eyes on, you don't feel quite so hopeless,  do you?  So, quick, grab a load of laundry and get it going before you lose momentum! Then, once you have the dishwasher and washing machine going, make a cup of tea and sit down for a while.  You did great! 

In less than 10 minutes, you have dealt with two tasks, but more importantly,  you have broken the "all or nothing" paralysis that has stopped you from doing anything, so many times in the past.  I'm so proud of you!

You are going to be alright, now.  Just remember, you don't have to do it all at once.  Pick up the worst of the mess, run the vaccuum, sweep the floors. Go back to your routines, and by the end of the week, it will all fall back into place.

This has been a tough lesson for me to learn, but I think we're finally getting the hang of it.

Love,

Marne

This post is dedicated to Marla Cilley, aka The FlyLady.   Everything I know about routines, I learned from her.  She teaches a little about how to clean and a lot about how to think about taking care of your home and family, but most of all she teaches you to love and be kind to yourself.